That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Randomize