is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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