PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
