i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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