so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Randomize
