There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
