I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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