on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
this boner is exhausting
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
