chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
