I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
