Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
