tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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