I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
