She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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