Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
