I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
