my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
