why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Randomize
