And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
