dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Randomize
