Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
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