i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize