Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
