its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
