im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
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