Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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