I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
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