The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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