He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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