i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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