and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
