The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
