Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
