I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
