dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
