So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize