He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
