This is not my ceiling
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
