i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
