i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
