My room smells like vodka and shame
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
So many bounce houses so little time
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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