Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
