if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
