just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize