Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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