I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Randomize
