did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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