Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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