i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
