I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
