WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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