we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
