hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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