I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
