so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
