He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
