yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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