I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
