I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
