you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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