just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
