he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
