At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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