I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize