I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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