Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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