Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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