Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
